Tuesday, September 23, 2008

George of the Jungle

George here.

My human is Mary Beth, though it did not start out that way. Originally, there was a mistake and I was given to another human family. They called me Jasmine, BLECH!! I knew right away something had gone wrong and as soon as I realized the silly humans I was with wanted a "nice, calm cat", I hatched my plan. It took a while for the plan to work. I was beginning to wonder how many times I would have to climb up into the motor of the refrigerator or how much wallpaper I would have to shred before they would realize it was just not going to work. Just when I thought I might have to resort to hurting the child, they came to their senses and Mary Beth rescued me. You humans all think you choose us when really it's the other way around. Sometimes things go wrong but we felines are a patient lot and know that eventually we will get the right human, even if, as in my case, we have to take matters into our own paws.

I like to sleep and eat. I keep my favorite toys in the food bowl since I feel it is good to keep all the things I love most together. I do not like change, change is BAD. This is the way my life should be:

1. The dry food bowl should always be full and if not, I will get a human's attention and bring them to the bowl to show them a refill is needed.

2. First thing in the morning, preferably before 7:30AM, I need to be fed some wet food. I HATE weekends when they feel it is OK to ignore the 7:30AM timeline.

3. No later than 6:00PM, I need to be fed the second round of wet food. Again, sometimes they do not see the need to follow this strict timeline and I have to get vocal and remind them. If being vocal doesn't work, then I have to resort to placing myself in front of their faces, if necessary sitting or lying on whatever they are working on that they feel is more important than feeding me.

4. During the cool weather, a couple of hours should be spent each night on a lap in front of the TV.

5. No later than 11:00PM, I need my treats. I usually have to start reminding them of this deadline at around 10:00PM.

6. Only felines are allowed in this house. Occasionally, they allow family members to bring their dogs and this is unacceptable. God help whoever might get in my way on those days because human, feline it doesn't matter I WILL hurt someone.

7. I love my two humans but they are on their own when the doorbell rings. You never know who might be on the other side of the door and it's every man for himself and the minute it rings I am upstairs on top of my dresser.

8. The only place that is safe during a thunderstorm is the bathtub and there is only enough room for me, so don't even try to hide there with me.

I do not really acknowledge the existence of the spoiled brat (SB), Dudley. Did I mention I don't like change? However, sometimes the SB makes it difficult to ignore him. Until he arrived, one of my favorite spots to sleep was on the tower their mother got us (that's plural SB, meaning more than one!) for Christmas. However, since the arrival of SB, he seems to think the whole tower is his and no one else can use it.

I didn't want you to think that Andrew was the only one that had to put up with SB! However, I have no patience and usually it takes a swat and he moves on to bother someone else.


Mary Beth said...

Yeah! That's my man George:)

amanda said...

George you have the patience of a saint...

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